He's Like The Wind now, literally

Nobody puts Baby in a corner, except DEATH!

The plan this week was to post my review of Jonathan Montgomery’s new book of poetry, Taxi’s and Shit (Monkey Puzzle Press). But while driving to work this morning I heard the news: Patrick Swayze, is dead—which despite Marcus’ ‘second rate Travolta’ early a.m. Facebook’d pleadings to the contrary, changes things a bit.

So the book review will have to wait until next week. Being the 1980’s poster boy poetry prophet  that Jonathan is, I’m sure he’ll understand. In fact, it’s safe to say he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Your can’t make a Nostalgic 80’s picnic-type Fruit Salad without mellon-balling a little Swayze in there.  It would be like using the the words 'Ryan' and 'O'Neal' in the same sentence without also including the word 'douchebag'  . It can’t be done.

Seriously, Swayze's version of Dirty Dancing’s Summer Camp heartthrob  Johnny Castle will most likely go down in history as the most convincing portrayal of a 35 year old tight-shirt-wearing teenage-girl-praying-upon-pedophile ever put on film.  And near the end, after he’s committed several sexual felony’s with the pre-nose-jobbed ‘Baby’, when Swayze gets in ‘The Man’s’ face and insists that he always dances the last dance of the season, well god help me, but I believe him.     

And let’s not forget about his portrayal of the Rock Star shitty-redneck-bar bouncer in Road House. For one hundred and fourteen minutes Swayze not only managed to convince us that such a thing as Superstar bar bouncers actually exist, he conned an entire nation into believing that practicing ballerina type Tia Chi moves in a partially furnished barn was a viable way of beating the shit out of a small army of 300 pound truckers and one really pissed off dude who when masturbating, thinks exclusively about his childhood idle: Bruce Lee.   

And then there was his masterpiece, Donnie Darko, in which he reprised the role that made him famous in the first place, that of a superstar pedophile. 

Full circle, baby!

Swayze’s roll in Darko can almost be viewed as his post-Dancing love letter to Johnny Castle. Ever wonder what happened to Johnny fifteen years post summer camp, after his knees had gone out and he could no longer make a living banging trust fund teenagers and doing the Mambo? Well fear not, for Darko has all the answers.

Johnny Castle became a motivational speaker, hung around high schools, had his house burned down and was busted for kiddie porn in the end.

Justice is finally served. God Bless you Patrick Swayze.

Which brings us to this weeks poetry assignment. A bunch of years ago I had a poem published in a chapbook that seems appropriate for this particular occasion. I couldn’t find the poem last night, but I remember the title.

10 Things I Learned About Life From Watching Dirty Dancing

Let’s re-write this fucker. Send me a line. Or 10 lines. Or 100. Post them below on this blog, or email them to me at rob_geisen@illiteratemagazine.com and I’ll throw them on the site for you. In honor of Patrick Swayze, you can also mix it up a little and write an entire poem all by yourself too. Any movie starring Patrick Swayze will do. Alternate title suggestions:

10 Things I Learned About Life From Watching Point Break
10 Things I Learned About Life From Watching  The Outsiders
10 Things I Learned About Life From Watching Roadhouse
10 Things I Learned About Life From Watching Too Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar

Two and a Half Things I Almost Learned About Life From Watching City Of Joy

I’m interested in seeing what you’ll come up with.

Until next time, so long Swayze, and also,

iloveyou,

Rob