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Caption Contest 7: Say Goodbye to Vinny


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Caption Contest 7: Say Goodbye to Vinny

Dear Pieces of Shit,   In the last six weeks of running this Caption Contest I've learned some things. Things that would lead a less compassionate man to acts of unspeakable violence against all of you uninspired artists. Thankfully for you, my back gave out the last time I used a pipe iron to express my internal creative angst, and the doctor told me that one more whack could be my last.  Now I know none of you have health insurance, but I'm not trying to end up in a box just because you assholes couldn't think outside of yours. So, I've decided instead to paint myself out of this surrealist bullshit you call a community and get back to what Vinny does best: not giving a shit ab...Read more

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4 comments

Caption Contest 6


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Caption Contest 6

Another week has come and gone, and it's business as usual in this world of WTF: Barack Obama won a nobel Peace Peace Prize for opening his eyes one morning, the Yankees moved on to the next round, and you nobodies continue to write captions despite a complete lack of skill or talent. You might call it perserverance. I call it denial.  In fact, I had an epiphany this week about you dimwit artards. Completely disgusted after reading another week's worth of your shlock, I got up to grab a beer and start the process of obliterating the mind numbing experience from my memory. But when I walked into the question, I found my son, Little Anthony, slamming his tiny face against the wall over ...Read more

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7 comments

Caption Contest 5


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Caption Contest 5

Dostoyevsky got paid per word, so that shrewd rusky wrote sentences the length of paragraphs, paragraphs the length of books and books the length of your indefinite sexual "dryspell" (*it's not a drought if it never rained int the first place). You on the other hand, don't.  So keep your captions fucking short, because not only do I not like reading them as it is, I don't want to have to sift through Crime and Punishment to realize it sucks. This week your challenge is Keep It Simple Stupid as you give this big baby some much needed diaper rash.     -Vinny V...Read more

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Caption Contest 4


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Caption Contest 4

Today is the jewish day of repentance, and though I generally have about as much in common with those shmucks  as a meatball sub has in common with a falafel wrap, still, in this particular instance I think you all could take a note from the guilt ridden rabbis. Today I want you all to think long and hard about how much you've trangressed against the English language and my valuable time. Now, Webster's might forgive you for all your butchered words, but you all owe me a fucking vacation from your ignorance.   Please redeem yourselves with this photo.     ...Read more

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7 comments

Caption Contest Week 3


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Caption Contest Week 3

  One day Little Anthony asked me to tell him a story before he went to sleep. I told him to shut up already, but he kept crying like such a freaking baby about being scared of the dark, that I decided to curb that ninny bullshit right there and then, because no son of mine was going to grow up to be like one of you  bedwetting, Little Nemo artists. So I told him a story, and since then he's never complained about the dark again. It occurs to me after yet another dismal Caption Contest this last week,that makes your posts so completely bland and unimaginative, maybe like Little Anthony, you're all scared not to suck. So, here's the story I told my son, maybe it will knock the wuss...Read more

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9 comments

Caption Contest 2 = Be Funnier, Win Shit


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Caption Contest 2 = Be Funnier, Win Shit

As I suspected you're all not only illiterate, but also retarded. Now, holster those self-righteous politically correct pointer fingers,  I've got nothing against the mentally challenged.  They are not retarded.  They make me laugh. You pieces of shit on the other hand, with every conceivable capacity for conscious thought, couldn't make me laugh even once this week. Two comments even evoked facial responses, and they came from people who work for Illiterate for fuck's sake.  Seriously, it depresses me, all of your pathetic attempts. If I didn't have Little Anthony to think about, I'd've put myself out of your misery already. Still it was the first week of the Illiterate ...Read more

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21 comments

Caption Contest = Be Funny. Win Stuff.


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Caption Contest = Be Funny. Win Stuff.

DISCLAIMER: If any two of the following traits applies to your personality,  scroll down to the next list: a) impatient (can't wait for shit) b) busy (don't have time for shit) c) cocky (think your the shit) d) illiterate (can't read for shit) e) opportunist (will do anything to win some shit even if that shit is actual just shit)     Shut up, you're a nobody. Who the hell am I? Who the hell are you?  My name is Vincenzo Valentine, aka Vinny V aka go fuck yourself. I don't do art, and I don't care about the collage you just made in art class or the poem you cried into your little black notebook last night. Last week my four year old, little Anthony, came home fr...Read more

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7 comments

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